I hit bottom when I had the flu last week. If this room represents my energy, there was only an inch of it hugging the floor.
I felt weak, desperate, unable to create or think of a way out.
I couldn’t even find the words to form a clear intention, so I said “It is my intention to find true intent.” I immediately felt a tiny bit stronger, maybe two inches off the floor.
In the midst of that bleakness I got up and read a script I wrote 15 years ago, my first screenplay of which I now only had one paper copy left. To my surprise, it moved me, and I realized that it was good! What I had written had value. For me, and for others. It gave me enormous strength to realize that I had not been wasting my time.
I thought, I can do this. Re-inspired to pursue this path of making feature films again, I felt joy stirring again in my heart, the joy that had been dispelled by my own lack of self-belief. For years, the energy to do anything just fell away, and I stuck those screenplays and all that hard work into the cupboard, because I couldn’t figure out WHY I was not interested anymore. Funny that lack of self-belief would manifest as indifference.
I found my center again when I reconnected with my passion to make a film, and the bleakness of my emotional state before I found my center, and the way this decision to try and make movies renewed and restored my joy and creativity told me I was on the right path. I felt radiant. I decided that I was going to learn how to make films as good as the best in the country, just as I had wanted to do and did with graphic design when I first came to Chicago. I came because I wanted to learn how to design like the best. I stayed for love and the architecture 🙂
So how is all this connected to Iboga: Root to Liberation? Well, it’s about inner alignment. As soon as I was 100% intent on making films, things started to change in the outer world, literally the next day. Two of my web design clients, Kevin and Ty were leaving for Gabon in Central Africa to undergo a Bwiti initiation. Why don’t you film it, I said to them. Its a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing.” They agreed, and as luck would have it, my friend and colleague Simon Anderson who lives in Cape Town was available to travel to Gabon and film them on extremely short notice. Simon not only had film-making experience, he was an iboga practitioner and owned iboga.org, making it doubly serendipitous.
Because of my two years of being immersed in the worlds of ibogaine and addiction through exposure to my client’s work as I built brands and websites for them, as well as my 20 years of experience with psychedelic sacraments (aka entheogens) I began to see that this blight, the addiction epidemic, and the illegality of the one medicine that can actually heal it is the subject of this documentary. The story lay all around me in the characters and stories surrounding my life and the lives of my clients.