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Opioid detox with iboga & Ibogaine
This is a blog from 2011:
“A few years ago I began an intense period of self reflection. I had reached a turning point in my life and came to the realization that I had to make some serious changes.
I had struggled with my self destructive side for years and the residue of my addiction to heroin still clung to my insides in the form of a sticky-sickly-sweet, green liquid known as methadone. I was sick of waking up in the mornings covered in sweat and cold to my bones, shivering. The sour taste of stomach bile as I vomited on an empty stomach was an almost daily occurrence. I wanted to live again. I longed to feel real passion and emotion. I wondered how I would get clean as the situation was beginning to get desperate.
When I was in my late teens I had come across an article about a miraculous plant from Africa called iboga, and one of its active alkaloids, ibogaine. There were reports of addicts successfully detoxing with this plant with little or no withdrawal symptoms. I read on about its intense nature and psychoactive properties, and I remember saying to myself that one day I had to experience it. Little did I know that fifteen years later I would be seeking this plant out as a cure for my own addiction.
My journey to recovery began as I started to reconnect with nature. I would go for long walks and spend a lot of time just observing wildlife. I read a lot of books about shamanic practice and mythology, as well as ritual and magic. I was becoming inspired and wanted to express this. I had always kept journals and sketchbooks, even throughout my time as an addict. I began writing a lot more, and wanted to start performing live as an artist again. Exercise helped a great deal, and I started doing MMA training twice a week. This increased my appetite and I became a lot more conscious of the foods I was eating. I started eating a lot more fruit and vegetables, as well as fish. As my confidence grew, then so did my aspirations and I found a great Qi-gong teacher. I took to it like a duck to water, and practiced for an hour twice a day. After a while I stayed on for the Tai-Chi and Kung-Fu classes too. I felt unstoppable… like a warrior in the process of reinventing myself and it seemed to be working very well. Nevertheless I was still methadone dependent, and I was determined to clean up completely!
I had been reducing my daily dose of methadone and for the first time in years began experimenting with psilocybin mushrooms and also with MDMA and 2CB. I found these to be extremely helpful in firing up my creativity. I also smoked good quality hashish which allowed me to relax and get a good night’s sleep. I was using these substances as medicines and they helped a great deal. It was around this time in 2009/2010 that a good friend of mine gathered some information on iboga and ibogaine therapy. I had already mentioned the possibility of detoxing this way with my parents. They were a bit dubious at first, but after reading the articles and testimonies I had given them, and after realizing that I was serious I had their full support. So I continued my research before taking the next step: to find an experienced facilitator.
By the autumn of 2010 I was full of optimism and confident that I would succeed in getting clean. I was down to about 20mg of methadone and my health was improving. I made my return to the performance art arena after an absence of almost a decade by performing a series of actions in the dimly lit theater of Chapter Arts Center. I confronted my demons through a number of rituals to purge myself of my old habits. I was showing the universe that I believed in myself and calling on its power so I could harness its energy for my own healing. I trusted in my intuition and it seemed to be leading me in the right direction. The next twelve months were incredible as I received more invitations to perform at various shows and exhibition openings. This showed me what I was truly capable of and I knew that my life was already returning to me.
By November 2011 I had found some people to facilitate my detox. I received strict instruction to ask my doctor for a medical to check that my heart, lungs, liver and kidneys were all in full working order. I got the all clear and then set a date for my detox. And so on December 7th 2011 I drank my dose of methadone for the last time, ate a light breakfast and then boarded a train at Cardiff Central to make the six hour journey to Yorkshire. It was a beautiful winter’s day. The skies were blue and clear and the sun shone brightly. I spent most of my time smiling to myself as I stared out of the window and daydreamed my way into a greater future. A future free from the shackles of addiction.
I was met at the station and driven to a beautifully warm house where I was welcomed and shown to the room which was to be my abode for the next six to seven days. It was perfect. African masks adorned the walls and there was an altar where I could burn incense. I was advised to make myself at home and get comfortable. So I unpacked my rucksack and rolled myself a joint before venturing out into the garden to smoke. I had to try and relax as I prepared for the death of my old self. I returned to my room with a cup of tea and prayed to my ancestors. I read some quotes from “The Wheel of Time” by Carlos Castaneda before bedding down for the night.
I woke up the following morning with both the ache of excitement and the beginnings of methadone withdrawal. It was December 8th and my 34th birthday, so I opened some birthday cards from family and friends and then meditated and relaxed. I watched some great documentaries on iboga and the cult of Bwiti to help focus my mind on the task ahead. I knew that my future hung in the balance but there was no way back. Fear crept in as I reminded myself of the enormity of what I was about to undertake. But I had prepared myself mind, body and spirit, and I was ready for this amazing opportunity to be fully healed.
The hours passed slowly as I lay on my bed. I had my blood pressure and weight checked before taking a small amount of iboga root bark to ease my symptoms which by now included stomach cramps and restless legs. Within fifteen minutes of ingestion I felt as though I was floating in a warm bath and all my withdrawal symptoms had subsided. There were no unpleasant side effects so it was decided it was time to begin my detox proper. For a number of hours I was brought more root bark and some ibogaine capsules for further ingestion. I drifted into a void where I lost all sense of time and space. Then came the final capsule of ibogaine which I was told would flood my system so the spirit of the plant could fully do its work.
For the next 24 hours I was travelling into unfathomable worlds where I was met with many challenges and obstacles. I was taken to my limits where my strength of will and patience were being tested at every turn. This was indeed a hero’s journey into the land of the dead. I was confronted with episodes of my past and was shown how the values of mankind had become destructive. There was a drama being played out in a small terraced house in the future where love didn’t exist and the occupants cheated and stole from one another. This was the story of our species. Selfishness and material wealth had become the norm and I was a cog in the wheel of this machinery. I was told that if the world was to change, then I would have to change by healing myself and following my path with humbleness and integrity. I realized that my life had a greater purpose. This wasn’t just about me. It was about the whole world and everything in it.
The visions continued and I was taken to and fro between different realms. I was greeted by Mayan priests at the temple of Quetzalcoatl. I traveled into the depths of the underworld into nightmarish vaults. I witnessed so much and lived so many lifetimes. I became the spirit of a rock and watched an enormous black eagle big as the sky devouring lost souls. This was a voyage through the labyrinth of eternity. There was no room for fear. I was healed by ancestral spirits before descending into chaos. Then I witnessed the death of my old methadone dependent self. I was represented by a sad looking green spirit that fell and died in the gutter. It was an image that encapsulated homelessness and desperation. But I knew I was freeing myself from such a future as my dark side fell away like an old corpse. I was gifted with a vision of becoming a bird flying over the Serengeti and I could smell the smoke of sweet grass burning next to me. I felt as if I was returning from the dead and now I was finally ready to claim my manhood and experience true freedom.
I remember looking out of my window at the moon and seeing how beautiful the sky was. I had spent the last day and a half being reborn, and I did in fact feel like a new born baby. For the next five days or so I celebrated life by drawing and writing about what had just happened. I was in awe of this plant, and spent a lot of time giving thanks. I made calls to my family and friends. The emotion I felt was so overwhelming that I just couldn’t help bursting into tears of joy. I had never felt like this before in my whole life. Everything I experienced, from taking a shower and shaving to eating a meal or drinking a cup of coffee was all new to me. In all the years I had been an addict I had never felt these things. I went outside and felt raindrops on my skin and tasted them on my tongue. I couldn’t stop smiling and even laughed quietly to myself . I was alive!”
…………To be continued
