Are you capable of sitting alone with your thoughts for more than four seconds without pulling out your phone? No? Congratulations, you qualify for CHECKUTEX—the only clinical-strength solution for your crippling, subconscious fear of missing a text notification from a group chat you hate. Finally, a targeted intervention for that involuntary thumb-swipe motion you do every time you open an app, close it immediately, and then open it again two seconds later.

MEDICAL DISCLAIMER:
CHECKUTEX is a satirical placebo. Side effects may include phantom vibrations in your thigh, acute anxiety when your battery drops below 80%, severe eye strain from looking at blue light in total darkness, and the sudden realization that you have been staring at your screen for two hours. Do not take CHECKUTEX if you actually enjoy looking at real-life scenery or talking to physical human beings. If your daily screen time exceeds 14 hours, please consult an electrician to unplug your Wi-Fi router.

SIDE EFFECTS may include a completely drained phone battery, walking into doors while typing, and forgetting what you were doing before you picked up your phone. Consult your screen-time report to see if CHECKUTEX is right for your attention span.

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